Season Preview

After the long wait, the season is finally just about here.  Rosters are set, the schedule is made, and the statistics will begin to roll tomorrow, May 21, 2023.

Let's dig in.

Churchtown Alans

Roster: Joel Bendick, William Culbert, Johnny Kauffman, Alan Krock, Gavin Reimers, Christian Smucker, Thomas Watt, Finn Wenrich

This team is equipped with depth and little league experience.  They acquired Tom Watt from the Twins to play first base, as well as Christian Smucker to bolster the pitching staff and add power to the lineup.  Here is what the A's need to do to win Wiffleball games.

3 Keys to success

1. Speed

This team has more of this skill than any other squad.  Benedick, Culbert, Krock, and Wenrich all have had successful careers in running, with Watt having that sneaky speed as well (Wenrich being from another world in the sprint category).  These guys will be able to cover a ton of ground defensively and will be extremely difficult to beat out on runs to first.  Defenses are going to need to be mere perfect in fielding in order to get these dudes out.  Speed kills, and this team needs to utilize those rabbits in order to force errors and give birth to opportunities to score.

2. Attendance factor on Big Bats

Though loaded with depth, the A's could see lots of different lineups and defensive looks.  This can tinker with chemistry.  Due to a low amount of power in the lineup, this team may not see enough doubles and triples if they do not have Culbert or Smucker in the lineup.  They may end up needing to rely on small ball (infield errors, walks, HBP's) offensively in order to win (good luck doing that against certain teams).  The A's are going to need to have consistency in the attendance category and power to even out the playing field.

3. Pitching depth

Both Krock and Smucker have shown to be solid pitchers in the past.  After these two though, there is a ginormous gap.  Thomas Watt has shown to get absolutely blown up in past performances while the other players on the squad have no recent known history of pitching.  In order for this team to succeed, they need to have pitching depth for doubleheaders.  Who will be the X-factor that arises?  Maybe the question never gets answered and the team goes 4-8 due to 4 losses in doubleheaders.

Conestoga Twins

Roster: Jude Kauffman, Gavin Kitch, Ashton Martin, Tyler Murphy, Josiah Smucker, Justin Smucker.

This may be the best team in the ELW.  They got size, power, athleticism, and experience.  Here are the three keys to success (if it means anything).

3 Keys to Success

1. The Narvon League

With having a competitive and well-lead Orioles team in the New Holland League, the Twins need to be able to grab wins from the Indians and A's.  Due to their solid pitching staff, they can prevent the A's speedy offense through strikeouts and can bomb the Indians' pitching with a lineup that is filled with power and size.  They need to screw up the Narvon League in the sheets.

2. Offensive Production

Twins have tall dudes who can hit.  They have power bats from Josiah Smucker and Justin Smucker, and speedy contact guys like Tyler Murphy and Jude Kauffman.  They have a blend that no one else has in ELW.  They need to score runs early and often to put teams away.  If the offense does not produce, this team has no shot.

3. Efficient Use of Length

As mentioned, this team is on the taller side.  On a field where you have minimal time to react and make decisions, those few extra inches in the arms will make a difference.  This factor mixed with athleticism will have us seeing Josiah Smucker, Tyler Murphy, and Justin Smucker being able to cover a ton of ground, making it difficult for those sharp grounds to get through.  Even more difficult yet is Jude Kauffman getting that extra stretch at first and shortening the throws.

East Earl Indians

Roster: Dylan Esbenshade, Stephen Foor, Derrick Lambert, Josiah Martin, Conner Murray, Nate Vreeland.

Flip a coin.  It is hard to say how this team does.  Here's the 3 Keys to Success.

1. Pitching

The pitching is by far the biggest key here.  It needs to be good or they're screwed.  Esbenshade gets on base, Foor either hits a dinger or strikes out, and Derrick Lambert may add some life and charisma to what is a roster full of quiet guys.  Overall, their lineup is not very intriguing.  It's not bad, but it's not great either.  It's like when you have the one girl with the blonde hair and blue eyes, but she's a little chubby and wears glasses and her hair up in a bun with no makeup.  You can see potential if she ditched the glasses, let the hair out, and lost some weight (Churchtown).  Then there's the hot girl that is good at everything.  She can cook, clean, dress sporty and pretty, and is just out of this world (Twins).  The Indians lineup is that girl in high school who didn't talk to anyone and looked nice when she was around her ugly friends but looked mid around her hot friends.  The Indians are that girl with no sexy potential like the A's and are not a high-class woman like the Twins, they're just kind of there for the car guys and outdoorsy dudes to snatch up.  Point is they are not going to be close to winning games if Stephen Foor is going to get dinged up in 2 innings.  Let's hope Vreeland or Lambert can shove.

2. Pitching

The next key is pitching.  Unless if you are going to score 30 runs a game, you cannot win without some pitching.  To give some perspective, The A's and O's pitching are like the brownies that are in the middle of the tray.  They taste good and are satisfying.  You can't go wrong with them doggone brownies man, but they aren't as good as those edge piece brownies that are crisp and scrumptious (Twins).  They give you the satisfaction of the middle of the tray brownies but are better and you take them every time over the middle pieces.  The Indians pitching are those brownies that you get offered at work by the creepy guy with blood-shot eyes and smells like weed.  You eat one of them and all of a sudden you're seeing bugs in the carpet, the neighborhood cat is cussing you out, and you're bumping your head and playing air guitar to all the car horns being beeped at you because you took a right turn in the left turn lane and almost ran over Jessica and her four kids crossing the street.  You don't know what you are going to get from the Indians' pitching.  Hell, we don't even know who the pitchers are outside of Stephen.

3. Pitching

Look Stephen, you're just going to have to hope the A's suck and Josiah Martin comes back in time for the playoffs.

Intercourse Orioles

Roster: Alexander McFalls, Joel McFalls, Justin McFalls, Christian Merk, Preston Merk

I'm tired of this let's just get into the 3 keys.

1. Christian Merk

The defense is probably the best in the league, unless if Christian drops the ball all the time.  As long as he catches it, the O's will be fine.  He does not hit for power or draw a lot of walks so he better get a lot of infield singles or he will be benched for his younger brother.

2. Justin McFalls

He has shown to be able to absolutely shove and get strikeouts and grounders for his defense.  He has also shown that he can walk 12 batters in a row and throw a loaf of a ball in the middle of the zone for actual hitters to hit homers.  He needs to be consistent and bend without breaking.  Offensively, he does not hit for power or make a ton of contact, but he has a keen eye.  As long as he keeps his reputation of drawing a ton of walks and extending at-bats, the offense will be good enough to bend people over.

3. Defense

If we can't field grounders, I'm demanding a trade.

Survey Results

1. Who wins Narvon Division?

50 % - A's

50 % - Indians

2. New Holland League?

80 % - O's 

20 % - Twins

3. Which team will have the worst record?

60 % - Churchtown

0 % - Conestoga (they're the best)

30 % - East Earl 

10 % - Intercourse

4. Who wins the chip?

40 % - A's

10 % - Twins

10 % - Indians

40 % - Orioles

5. MVP

60 % - Alex McFalls

15 % - Josiah Smucker

10 % - Justin Smucker

10 % - Alan Krock

5 % - Christian Merk (thanks for your vote Christian)

6. Left infielder gold glove

55.56 % - Alex McFalls

44.44 %- Josiah Smucker

7. Middle infielder

66.67 % - Tyler Murphy

11.11 % - Preston Merk

11.11 % - Finn (yeah right)

11.11 % - Dylan Esbenshade

8. First Base

40 % - Christian Merk

30 % - Thomas Watt

10 % - Ashton Martin

10 % - Conner Murray

10 % - Christian Smucker

9. Best pitcher award

40 % - Joel McFalls

30 % - Justin McFalls

10 % - Alan Krock

10 % - Josiah Smucker

10 % - Stephen Foor (to the person who voted this: please consider quitting coke as it is very dangerous to your health)

10. OPS

70 % - Alex McFalls

20 % - Derrick Lambert

10 % - Josiah Smucker

Christian trying to sneak that MVP vote for himself in there without anyone noticing